Addiction

Thinking about the next line. The next sip. The next drag. The next ball.

Addiction can take over your life. There is no 12-step program that can conquer these demons of addiction.

I've battled with addiction before, and I still am. My interpersonal communication teacher once asked, "What is the one human emotion more powerful even than fear, hate, or love?" All of us in class were bewildered when he said, "desire."

Desire is addiction. The word "desire" in the Greek is epithumia, which also means passionate longing or lust.

My limp is that I desire other guys, and I struggle with it everyday. I am also battling an addiction to nicotine.

It's real and it's consuming. My friend just lost her brother to addiction, and he was only 25! He had so much more life to live and give.

There is a real enemy out there, and he wants to destroy what God has helped build in you.

The confident assurance, the hope of salvation...

This one is a short blog, but if you are struggling or know someone who is struggling with addiction, don't hesitate to call for help.

Walk in Her Shoes

"Leave me the f*** alone," she said.
"It's impossible for me to do that, ma'am," he said.

She started running as fast as she could to the next light post.

'I don't even have the right shoes on to be running like this,' Candance thought.

See, Candance was a prostitute. Her situation didn't define who she really was on the inside. Her mother always told her to say she was a "princesa de Jesus" or "hija de Jesus." Candance never thought for one second life was not fair to her. She knew she made mistakes to get this far, but the only reason Candance did not fully believe in the Love of God is because she had fear: fear that someone would make her have an abortion, fear of going hungry another night if she did not work another solidarity night, or fear of her daughter being taken away from her.

Her shoes were not any ordinary shoes; Candance walked on the streets with no shoes, as everything had gotten stolen from her. All this time Candance wanted her daughter, Emily, to have a better life; a life full of passion, and not guilt and shame.

Listen to this song about a mother trying to feed her son and you will see how it feels to be in Candance's shoes:

So, now we know:

a. Candance has low self-esteem.

b. Candance has a big heart.

c. Candance does care about her daughter.

d. Candance wouldn't trade a day in her shoes with someone else.

e. All of the above

See, kids, life is not easy. It will throw you sideways, upside-down, and spit you right out. 

Candance was just happy to see her 6 year-old daughter taken care of. There were so many things Candance went through to get her daughter to school on time. 

Yes, she sucked ****. So, what?

Candance's shoes:

Dirty.

Used.

Happy.

Surprised.

Empathetic.

                                                       

 
Life is a dance. You work up a lot of sweat bearing burdens that aren't even yours.
Then, you fall over and take your last breath.

Who will be there for Candance when her dance in life is over? Who will catch her when she falls down?

There was a woman I met when I was on the BART. She looked exactly like a woman in a painting I saw.

In the painting, there was a ballet dancer with her breasts exposed and passed out and there was another lady that was holding her and catching her fall.

I found my lady at the BART station. She caught my fall and defended me on the bus, and so the story goes, I was on the bus and train all night and I had never laughed so loud in my entire life.

Candance also had sleepless nights, like me.


Then, I found out Candance was really me.

the final masquerade is when all shoes are off, and we are raw and truthful